I was getting worn out with the number of assignments that I’m receiving recently but just as I was about to throw in the towel, a parcel from England arrived at my doorstep.  It was a parcel from Jonny and he sent me a hoodie of his to keep me warm and some Johnny Cash CDs that he likes to listen =D

He is just so sweet. Lol! This is yet another reason why I love him soooo much. And of course,  I’m really happy that we’re still together <3

*MyRa*

This is a poem that I can relate to every so often…

Hope
© Emily Dickinson

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I’ve heard it in the chilliest land
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

I had a fun day hanging-out with Elaine, Michelle and May Shan at Melbourne Central today. We had lunch at a Greek restaurant. Then we watched Hellboy 2: The Golden Army. Well, the movie was quite disappointing considering the first one was better. But the fighting scenes were good, though. After that, we took the tram down Swanston Street and had gelato at Freddo’s. I gave their famous durian and rocher gelato a try. Both of them tasted really good especially the durian one, it has the creamy texture that one can get from a fresh durian. Well, guilty as charged, you will definitely spot me more often at Freddo’s enjoying their durian gelato now=P

But yeah, it was just great to get a chance to hang-out with them. I mean, I haven’t seen them ever since I left Trinity and when we met today, we were practically exhanging lots of juicy gossips among each other. Then, came the topic about our relationships. Everyone was pretty satisfied with their lives. I am as well but I realize after that topic that I’m missing Jon so much more than I thought I felt. I want to feel his presence next to me again and I want to smile like I used to whenever he was around, telling me jokes and all. So after bidding farewell to my friends, I gave him a short call and we chatted about the happenings in our lives. It was really good to be able to talk to him =D

So anyways, as far as uni work is concern, I’m still busy twiddling with my assignments and my one week’s break is close to an end. It does suck having just a week break from uni but at least I feel a little more refreshed now. So hopefully things will stay that way until I’m done with my finals =)
 
*MyRa*

“The way of the future depends on today,
the choices you make, the words that you say.
For as seeds are sown the pathway is cast,
where you are today came from the past.
So now see the truth of your present own task
and know that your life can be what you ask.”

This was the daily guidance I received today after I spun the Wheel of Stars at Spellbox.
I just hope that I will realize the right path soon. Right now I still feel being in the dark with the things I’m doing and they’re killing me slowly…

I’m finally on a week break from uni. Although I still have lots of assignments to do over this week, I’m really happy to have the week off. So many things have been happening for the past few weeks and today while I was doing my programming assignment, Nancy gave me a call and told me that she has decided to stop studying for a while. I understand that she has been going through a lot this semester but I’m really going to miss her. It’s funny how much you begin to appreciate when the people you often look up to fades away from your life. She has always been there for me and I’m just feeling sad now that I have lost another close friend at uni. All I can say is that I wish her all the best in everything she does and hopefully next year we will be able to meet again.

Anyways, I hung-out with my sis at Fraus today. We had hot chocolate and Strawberry Bounty crepes. A great combination for relaxing our minds, but obviously I started worrying about the calorie count later…Lol! I have to say, though, their hot dark chocolate is pretty good But nothing can beat Chokolait Hub yet!

Well, anyways, I’ll just end here for now. Oh and before I forget, Happy Merdeka Day to all fellow Malaysians =)

*MyRa*  

Often referred to, often consumed,
I am what you take when you’re in need of hope.

Often being clung on,
I am what you take when you need love.

Often being used,
I am what you take when you need attention.

Often being the painkiller,
I am what you take when you are feeling hurt.

And ever so often with these duties,
I am ditched when you are feeling okay.

And therefore often the victim of stress and anxiety,
I am what I am, the drug that needs to face it’s own destiny.

I had my second programming lab assessment today. Thankfully it went alright. Since the weekend is approaching, I hung out with Elaine today at Chokolait Hub. I had my favourite Belgian Dark hot chocolate drink. We then went to Spellbox and Country Road for a while. I couldn’t resist getting Country Road’s somewhat infamous fashion statement bag…Yep, the overnighter!

We then stopped by an asian grocery store at QV which I never knew existed! It’s kind of funny because I had been studying in the city and yet I didn’t know about that store. The good part about me knowing about it now is that I can get my asian snack cravings fixed anytime now. The last place we went was Borders and I came across this funny voodoo kit where the doll was of George Bush:

It’s pretty amusing especially since this was the last voodoo kit of George Bush as the rest were of Hilary Clinton. I guess picking on Bush is more satisfying than Mrs. Clinton! Anyways, even though I did not get to spend much time with Elaine, it was still good to meet up with her since we haven’t been hanging-out with each other for 9 months now. Well, at least that’s what I can recall from my year at Trinity.

And so, back to my uni life, it has been hectic and my dad has been texting me to keep focus and all. I hate saying this but everytime he does that, I really feel like giving up. I know he cares about me but getting these texts almost everyday get me frustrated…It feels like I haven’t live up to his expectations yet which I always try to. Anyways, enough about this depressing part of me, I am off to complete my web programming assignment now. Wish me luck!

*MyRa*

Something happened at uni today and I really don’t feel like spitting out the details right now….Well, let’s just say that I had a rough day and I was tempted to doodle with my blade again. But two things stopped me from doing that:

1. The dragonfly tattoo oath I made last year.
2. Melissa, my friend who does tarot reading during her free time told me that everything will be alright. In fact, she said that often the more painful an experience is, the more valuable it is to life.

I believe what she said. I shouldn’t throw my life away just because of some small matter. There are so many good things ahead waiting for me. And yes, I have been counting down the weeks before I get to be home…14 more weeks and I’m home. I can’t wait to see mama, papa and lil piggy by then…Hehe. I’m also so going to have tau sar pau (red bean bun), loh mai kai (chinese glutinous rice), salted egg porridge and satay when I get home! Oh, and not to forget, mama’s sumptious chicken rendang XD Mmmm…all these food talk is making me hungry now. Well, at least they lighten my day and surprisingly I feel stronger once again, just thinking of everyone back home.

I tried to be perfect,

But nothing was worth it,

I don’t believe it makes me real.

I thought it’d be easy,

But no one believes me,

I meant all the things I said.



[Chorus]

If you believe it’s in my soul,

I’d say all the words that I know,

Just to see if it would show,

That I’m trying to let you know,

That I’m better off on my own.



This place is so empty,

My thoughts are so tempting,

I don’t know how it got so bad.

Sometimes it’s so crazy,

That nothing can save me,

But it’s the only thing that I have.



[Chorus]



I tried to be perfect,

It just wasn’t worth it,

Nothing could ever be so wrong.

It’s hard to believe me,

It never gets easy,

I guess I knew that all along.


I remember listening to this song over and over again as I thought of you and the others who stopped believing in me. This time around, you came back again and no matter how much I try to fit in, I’ll never be good enough for you. It’s not that I care but it hurts me too thinking that I can’t be part of your life like I used to when I was 13. I may have changed but so have you. I’m not perfect, nobody is. What I just want you to know is that I am always your niece even if you hate me so. Today is the 11th of August, a year since I threw my life away. Yes, I still remember it clearly but I don’t want to say anymore about it. I have learned to pick up those fragments of my life but even though I have, I am still as fragile as before. I do not want your pity nor attention but being accepted as part of the family is all I ask for now.